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Becoming an Encourager

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 3:13

I know, in marriage, and many relationships for that matter, in the monotony that can sometimes become our lives, it’s so easy to focus on the negative.  It’s so easy for me to see all the things that Ben is doing wrong. 
And before you know it, instead of being on his team,
I am against him. 
This me against you mentality.
 Wrong againstright. 
Just like Hebrew’s 3:13 says above, it’s so easy to let the devil deceive us in to believing we are somehow against our spouses and eventually we’ve become hardened toward them.  I can think of countless times that I have, in my own sin and self righteousness, stacked brick by brick up until eventually I have this wall between us because I have become so deceived by the enemy.  I’ve forgotten that we are in this together and we are one, not two.

Ben and I both share a love language
words of encouragement
I tend to think you can have more than one love language, but there is always one that is primary.  For Ben, his primary love language is words of encouragement. We have this little game we play occasionally.  Sometimes we do it at night before we go to sleep, other times we do it while driving along in the car, or sometimes even after a heated argument.  He or I will randomly ask questions like,

tell me 5 things you love about me
tell me 3 ways you’ve seen me grow since we’ve been married
tell me 1 thing I am doing really well right now as a husband/wife

And then we’ll both spend time encouraging one another, talking about things we love about each other and things that will speak life and truth into one another.

And sometimes when we are just coming out of a heated argument and we’re both so blinded that it’s hard to see the good in another, we’ll take time re-living our love story and reminiscing about all the sweet details of how we came to be.  Instantly walls are torn down and everything comes in to perspective.

Just last week we spent some time before we went to sleep encouraging each other by talking about the ways we’ve seen one another grow in our relationship with the Lord over the last year.  I can’t tell you how much my heart swells when I hear my husband speak truth over my weary heart.  

I want to be the type of wife, friend, sister, and daughter that is an encourager. 
One who speaks life and truth and love into the people I care about.
At the end of the day, I want my husband to remember hearing more encouraging things from me than discouraging.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

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