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Reflecting on my 27th year


Monday I turn 28.
28 on the 28th.

My 27th year of life has come and gone in a flash 
and as I sit here and reflect, I can't help but be overwhelmed. 
I think that is the word I would use to best describe my 27th year. 
overwhelmed
It started with one definition of the word and has ended with the opposite meaning.
It started dark and has ended so bright. 

I started the year in a deep pit. 
I vividly remember sitting down to my new sewing machine that Ben bought me for my birthday. 
 I was sewing a quilt for our baby that I wasn't sure would ever join our family and I just sobbed. 
Completely overwhelmed by the wait. 
I wanted so badly to live in the moment and enjoy the present. 
To bloom where I was planted.
But, it didn't come easy.
I prayed for patience,
for faith,
for perseverance, 
and the Lord was so gracious with me. 
Giving me just what I needed to make it through each day. 
But, many days I doubted and questioned His goodness.
Through it all, He was still faithful. 

My life was consumed with adoption. 
From fundraising. 
To submitting profiles.
To applying for grants. 
To buying baby stuff for a mystery baby.
It was so hard to live in the present and not wish for the future. 

Bless my sweet husband. 
He loved me so well this last year. 
I was tough to love. 
I neglected him at times. 
Took my frustrations out on him. 
But, he was patient with me. 
Prayed for me. 
Called my sin out. 
And spoke truth over me daily. 

The Lord has done so much in my heart over the last year.
I am so grateful for the pit He had me in. 
It took being on the other side of that overwhelming pit for me to truly appreciate all He was teaching me and doing in my heart. 

As I end my 27th year, I am overwhelmed in a completely different way.
I don't think it would come as a surprise that my favorite part of my 27th year was becoming a mom. 
I was made for this mommy gig. 
Oh how overwhelmed I am with the pure JOY that comes from being Haven's mommy. 
When I look at my sweet girl, my heart wants to explode. 

He truly delivered me from that pit. 
He set me on the rock. 
He revealed His steadfast love and faithfulness over and over again.
What I've learned in my 27th year is that
I am so poor and needy. 
And He is my help and my deliverer. 


      Psalm 40

waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.
Blessed is the man who makes
    the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
    to those who go astray after a lie!
You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.
In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,
    but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering
    you have not required.
Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
    in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
I delight to do your will, O my God;
    your law is within my heart.”
I have told the glad news of deliverance
    in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
    as you know, O Lord.
I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
    I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
    from the great congregation.
As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain
    your mercy from me;
your steadfast love and your faithfulness will
    ever preserve me!
For evils have encompassed me
    beyond number;
my iniquities have overtaken me,
    and I cannot see;
they are more than the hairs of my head;
    my heart fails me.
Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me!
    Lordmake haste to help me!
Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether
    who seek to snatch away my life;
let those be turned back and brought to dishonor
    who delight in my hurt!
Let those be appalled because of their shame
    who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”
But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
    say continually, “Great is the Lord!”
As for me, I am poor and needy,
    but the Lord takes thought for me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
    do not delay, O my God!

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