Adopting First?

Adoption has always held a special place in my heart.  It was something I knew I was called to do.   So much so that before my husband and I married, I told him if he wasn’t on board then I didn’t think we could get married.  A little harsh, right?!  No, but really, I felt like my future husband needed to be fully supportive of my passion and calling.

When we decided to start our family through adoption, our family and friends were excited for us and very supportive.  We were sometimes met with resistance and comments and questions like, “don’t you want to have your own first” or “are you having fertility issues.”  Those questions sting a little at first, but I try to give grace and realize the concept of adoption is foreign to many.   I also am very aware that this is a calling on our lives and that God calls every family to grow in different ways.  For some families it’s biologically.  For other families it’s through adoption.  And for some it’s by both means.  There is no right or wrong way to grow your family.  So as I talk about our story, please know that I don’t share it because I think it’s the right way – it’s simply the way God specifically called our family.   

After we got married, God plopped us into an amazing Gospel centered church that had a huge orphan care ministry.  We started attending a small group filled with couples who had either adopted or were in the process.  A couple of these families had pursued adoption first.  It was inspiring to us to see families who were committed to living out the Gospel in a tangible way by adopting.  Like Russell Moore states in Adopted for Life, "When we adopt - and when we encourage a culture of adoption in our churches and communities - we're picturing something that's true about our God.  We, like Jesus, see what our Father is doing and do likewise (John 5:19).  And what our Father is doing, it turns out, is fighting for orphans, making them sons and daughters."  And as we began to seek God, we felt like He said, “why not do this first?”  And in all honesty, we had no reason not to do it first. 

Still to this day, I’ve had people who know our story and know we chose adoption first make comments like “It will happen for you guys when it’s time."  What will happen when it's time?  We'll have a biological child?  We weren't before and aren't currently trying to have a biological child.  If God leads our family in that direction then we will happily pursue it.  But, it has already happened for us - we love our little family!

 or 

“so when are you going to have some of your own” and my heart just sinks.  Although Haven does not share our biology, she is very much our own child.  We are the ones who kiss her boo boos, read her stories and tuck her in at night.  We love her with a deep, fierce, passionate love.  We aren’t any less of a family because we were built through adoption. 

It’s my hope that someday when couples choose adoption first or second or third they won’t be met with raised eyebrows and insensitive questions.  That adoption would be just as normal as having biological children.  And that the Christian community would continue to respond to the Gospel and open their hearts and homes to children in need.