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Domestic Adoption Myths


As an adoptive momma and adoption consultant, I spend a lot of time dispelling the myths of domestic adoption.  Many people have received their adoption education from lifetime movies or hearsay from a friend of a friend’s cousin.  Today I’m going to spend some time talking about some of the common myths I hear.

The birth parents can change their mind at any time and take the baby away.
No, it’s not like the movies.  There are three important events that take place during an adoption:
  1. The first is when the birth parents sign consent. Consent refers to the agreement by the birth parents to relinquish all legal rights and duties of the child.  State laws vary as to when consent can be signed.  But, on average consent can be signed immediately after birth to 72 hours after birth.
  2. The second important event is revocation.  This refers to the period of time that the birth parents have to change their mind after signing consent.  The revocation period varies from state to state.   In some states, consents are irrevocable after execution.  CAC works in states where consents are irrevocable in order to reduce risks for adoptive families.
  3. The third and final step is finalization.  Finalization is the last legal step to gain permanent, legal custody of the child. 
Birth moms are young teenage girls.
"Was her birth mom really young?" - I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked this question about our daughter’s birth mother.  Not every woman who places her child for adoption is young.  In fact, most of the adoption plans we see at CAC are made by women in their mid to late 20’s.  Some are parenting other children.  Some are working on their education and career and aren’t in a place to raise a child.  Whatever the case may be, they share a common desire of wanting to provide a better life for their child.  

It takes years to adopt domestically.
This is simply not true for families working with Christian Adoption Consultants because of our multi-agency approach.  Working with multiple agencies increases your exposure to adoption situations and decreases wait times.  Families working with CAC wait an average of 6-10 months.

We have to be rich to adopt.
I work with families of all income levels.  During the home study process, you will have to prove your family can financially accommodate for another child.  Is adoption expensive?  Yes, it can be.  However, many families offset the cost of adopting by fundraising and applying for adoption grants.

Birth moms are selfish people who don't want their child. 
This couldn’t be further from the truth.  A birth moms chooses to put her baby's needs before her own and place it with a loving family.  That takes a deep love and selflessness.  Watching our daughter's birth mom grieve her decision was one of the hardest things I have ever seen.  There is no question in my mind that she wanted our daughter more than anything!  But, she wanted more for her daughter than she felt like she could give her.

We already have 3+ kids… no birth parents will choose us.
Each birthparent has different criteria that they would like for the adoptive family.  Some desire for their child to be placed in a family with no children.  Others want their baby to have a brother or sister.  And some grew up in large families and want their child to have a similar experience.  We see families who have 3+ children get chosen by birth parents all the time. 

Hiring an adoption consultant is an unnecessary additional expense.
Listen, I get it!  I have been there.  When my husband and I began pursuing domestic adoption we had the same thoughts.  We were a one income family at the time and my husband was a full time seminary student.  We didn’t exactly have extra money floating around.  In fact, we didn’t even have enough money in savings to pay for our home study.  So, when someone told me about hiring a consultant, my first thought was, I can totally do this myself.  And then I started to do research and I was completely overwhelmed.  Hiring an adoption consultant was the best thing we ever did.  Instantly we were connected to reputable, ethical agencies and resources to help us through every step of the process. 

Here is what one of my families recently said about working with CAC:
I can’t imagine someone going through an adoption without a “Leah” in their corner.  You have been beyond supportive.  I know it’s your job but the prayers go beyond the job and for that we are forever grateful.

Christian Adoption Consultants are truly amazing people who do an incredible job walking families through their adoption journey.  We are so thankful to have Leah beside us each step of the way!  She herself has adopted and she personally knows the feelings that we will and are experiencing along the way.  We are thankful for her knowledge, support, kind encouraging words, and her prayers!


Now is a great time to get started with CAC.  Any new families who sign up between May 13-15th, 2015 will receive $100 off of our full service consulting packages. (This discount does not apply to our self serve consulting package, returning families, or special needs consulting packages).  Email me at leah@christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information.  

2 comments

  1. Leah, I aplaud you for debunking these oh-so-common myths and beautifully stating the facts, except for one sentence. While birth mothers are completely selfless in making an adoption plan for the babies they love so completely and deeply, I think more empathy is deserved when discussing their other options. I do not believe that making the decision to abort is ever an "easy" option/choice nor an "easy way out." Just as our children's birth mother's will grieve the loss of a child they placed, they would have a life long grievence after aborting as well. I love you, your blog, and your work, but I also love my daughter's birth mother (and all brith parents) and feel you could have addressed that one sentence with more tact/empathy. Keep educating, sharing, and loving, xo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the feedback Carmen! I loved your feedback and decided to eliminate that sentence because I agree that it was insensitive. Thank you for reading and your kind words :)

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